LGBTQ

Author: Jefferey Spivey –

Adoption can be a lengthy and exhaustive process for any parent. When an adoptive parent finally gets their child home, it can be an overwhelming but rewarding experience. Welcoming a new child into your family can be fun as you try to match the energy of a toddler. It can also be emotionally daunting as you come face to face with your child’s past. But for many gay men, new challenges arise because of their non-traditional family makeup. The good news is these hurdles can be cleared with a little patience and open communication.

Get Support

In 2007, The Independent published an in-depth profile of 5 gay couples who’d adopted children in various parts of the country. “The main response we get is surprise,” said Lewis Campbell, a 44-year-old dad. He recalled taking his daughter shopping for a dress and being asked why his wife couldn’t make it. Upon explaining that he didn’t have a wife, the sales clerk quickly became embarrassed. Those types of experiences are common in the lives of adoptive gay dads. And sometimes, the surprise can manifest itself as prejudice.

To overcome awkward, and sometimes hostile, interactions, enlist the support of your local community. Search for support groups like Philadelphia Family Pride and Rainbow Families, which specialize in connecting gay adoptive parents.

Explain Sexuality in an Honest Way

Quite often, your child will come from a family with heterosexual parents. With little exposure to the LGBTQ community, it’s important to help your child understand your family make-up and why other kids may not understand it. Make sure the information you disclose is appropriate for his or her age. Also, be open and honest. The objective here is to make sure your child knows your family is just like anyone else’s—normal.

Normal Challenges of Parenting

Once you get past the difficulty of helping your child understand your family and finding a supportive community, settle into the everyday challenges of parenting. From figuring out how to care for your daughter’s hair to defining masculinity for your son, you’ll face the same issues as any other parent. The difference? You might not have the advantage of a woman’s touch when it comes to more delicate female issues. But you have community for that. And as long as you both have love, you can overcome anything.

References:

Author Jefferey Spivey

Surrogacy is quickly becoming a more desirable family planning option for gay men in America. For those men hoping to establish a biological connection with their child, a surrogate pregnancy offers more promise than adoption. Though the process is exciting, it can also be expensive and full of roadblocks. You might think the coast is clear once your surrogate is pregnant but you could still face challenges throughout the pregnancy stage.

Ongoing Costs

Your surrogate mother may not be a part of your everyday lives but you’re still responsible for ensuring her health as well as the health of the baby. Throughout the pregnancy, you’ll foot the bill for her checkups and any required medications like prenatal vitamins. According to surrogacy company Growing Generations, it’s common for surrogate mothers to undergo more frequent checkups than traditional expectant mothers. The total cost of the surrogacy process could top out at $150,000. So, be sure to save up to avoid being caught off guard.

Help for the Mother

As mentioned earlier, it’s likely your surrogate mother will not be close by. However, she’s still a pregnant woman whose mobility will be reduced as she moves further along in the pregnancy. It’s important to ensure she has help. She needs someone with her to help with chores, lifting heavy items, and getting her to and from appointments in the latter stages. But she’ll also need emotional support. Plan to check in with her along the way to make sure she’s in a positive place. You’ll want to get a pulse check on the results from her checkups and keep general tabs on her well-being.

Legal Prep

You’ll probably have a legal team on board before the surrogacy is underway. During the pregnancy, this is the perfect time to make sure you’ve got all your affairs in order. Gay parenting and surrogacy laws vary greatly from state to state. If you aren’t familiar with local regulations, it’s important you study up during this time to make sure you’re acting in accordance with the law. Gay men are most at risk for legal challenges once the baby is born—especially if the surrogacy is taking place in a foreign country.

Expanding your family is an exciting time. If you prepare thoroughly, the pregnancy stage will be just as exciting and problem-free.

References:

LGBTQ

What Gay Men Can Expect After Adoption

Challenges Gay Men May Face During a Surrogate Pregnancy